Up to No Good
by Little Hobbit
Summary: How Fred and George came across the secret to their success, the Marauder's Map, and any other mischeif they may have gotten themselves into over the years.
1. Mischief Managed

AN: Heyo, another Fred and George story (I love them), though this one is not so sad, I probably couldn't have handled another one of those lol. Well, I was intending for this to be a oneshot, but I suppose I could continue it somehow if people want, any suggestions are appreciated :)

Up to No Good

Fred and George Weasley looked around in amazement at the numerous Halloween decorations being put into place in the Great Hall. They stood just outside the doors, their eyes wide and absent-minded grins on their faces. Halloween had always been one of their favourite holidays, and this would be their first at Hogwarts; they had a good feeling they wouldn't be disappointed.

"Brilliant." George said as the jack-o-lanterns floated into place and lit up.

"Fan-bloody-tastic." Fred agreed.

They managed to wrench themselves away and headed down the corridor, eagerly anticipating the feast that awaited them that evening. They could almost taste the sweets, though their minds were never far from the fun side of the holiday.

"You know," Fred said. "This is our first Halloween away from mum's watchful eye."

"You're absolutely right." George said, catching his meaning immediately. "And you know what that means."

"Time to celebrate All Hallows Eve in a proper fashion."

"A few tricks for them,"

"And some treats for us."

---

"Bloody troublemakers! As if my job weren't difficult enough," Filch grumbled as he hauled the two eleven year olds into his office, their fiery hair the only bright thing in the room.

"Aw come now," George said.

"It was just a bit of holiday fun." Fred said.

"You call a stinking Dungbomb fun?" Filch growled, his eyes bulging.

The twins didn't dare answer or their laughter might escape.

"You two should thank your lucky stars they still don't use the old punishments," Filch said, looking positively maniacal.

Fred and George prepared themselves for another winded and violence-filled speech, something they'd been accustomed to since their first day at Hogwarts. As they tuned out Filch's voice something potentially fascinating caught Fred's eye; to his right was a drawer marked 'Confiscated and Highly Dangerous'. Definitely fascinating.

As Filch began to pace, Fred nudged George's foot with his own and nodded towards the drawer. George nodded slightly and subtly reached into his pocket for another Dungbomb. As soon as it hit the floor and confusion ensued, Fred whipped open the drawer and grabbed the closest thing that didn't look as though it would bite, and stuffed it in his pocket.

"So sorry, don't know what happened," George said as Filch dragged them out of the room, shutting the door behind him. "Must've fallen out of my pocket,"

"I don't want to hear your sodding excuses!" Filch seethed, looking as though he was on the brink of heart failure. "Just go! I'll deal with you later."

They did so immediately, hurrying down the corridors and ducking into an empty classroom a safe distance away. Fred pulled the pilfered item out of his pocket and they examined it. Disappointingly, it looked as though their prize wasn't so 'highly dangerous' after all.

"I wasted a perfectly good Dungbomb so you could snatch a piece of blank parchment?" George asked, staring at the object in disbelief.

"Why would Filch put a blank piece of parchment in that drawer?" Fred reasoned. "It's got to be something."

He flipped it over and over, examining it. He pulled out his wand, tapping it and muttering different incantations.

"It's useless." George sighed. "A waste of our talents."

Fred frowned. "Stupid thing." He prodded it. "No good."

He went to stuff it back in his pocket, but George suddenly stopped him.

"Wait, look!"

Fred held up the parchment and realized it was no longer blank; words had appeared in green script.

_Mr. Prongs would like this presumptuous student to know that his accusations are a trifle insulting._

The twins read what it said and waited, but nothing else happened.

"Is that all it does then?" George asked.

No sooner had he spoken then more words appeared.

_Mr. Moony agrees with Mr. Prongs and would like it to be known that there is always more than meets the eye._

The boys frowned.

"Is it just some sort of…thing, that spews riddles?" Fred wondered aloud.

The words began to fade, but in their place more words formed.

_Mr. Wormtail would like to inquire as to what the student's intentions are._

_Mr. Padfoot wonders if they are up to no good._

"It's like they've met us before." Fred joked.

"What if this thing is 'highly dangerous'?" George wondered apprehensively. "I mean we don't know who these people are, or even if they're people at all."

"Oh come on," Fred dismissed the idea. "If it was that dangerous it would have been destroyed already. Besides, what's life without a little adventure?"

"Filch's life?"

"Exactly."

As Fred and George watched intently, the previous words faded again and new ones took their place.

_The Marauder's are willing to reveal their most fantastic secrets as long as the overly curious and critical student solemnly swears they are up to no good._

They raised their eyebrows at each other and without a second thought Fred prodded the parchment again and said "I solemnly swear I am up to no good."

The words vanished and thin lines began to spread out from the point Fred's wand had touched. In no time at all the twins found themselves looking at a complete and incredibly informative map of Hogwarts, and at the top, in the same green script as before, was written

_Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs_

_Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers_

_Are proud to present_

_THE MARAUDER'S MAP_

"Wicked."

They grinned with excitement and amazement. They could already spot a few passageways that led out of Hogwarts. Also, there were tiny dots sprinkled all over the map with names above them.

"Hey, look!" George pointed at two dots huddled in a classroom that had their names hovering over them.

"This is bloody brilliant!" Fred said enthusiastically.

They took a closer look at the almost certainly useful passageways, devilish plans already forming in their minds.

"You know George, I think we've just made the most important discovery of our career."

"Fred, I think you're right."


	2. Filch's Lunch

AN: Heyo. I've decided to make this into an ongoing thing; each chapter will be about another of Fred and George's marvelous adventures. I had to use the word marvelous. Anyway, on with the story!

Chapter 2-Filch's Lunch

"Where do you reckon that one leads to?"

"First things first, we had that one we were going to check out."

It was a bright Saturday afternoon, but Fred and George hadn't set a foot outside all day; they sat in their dormitory, studying the Marauder's Map and planning which secret passageway to explore and when.

"We'll probably have to go when everyone's off at Hogsmeade," Fred suggested. "That way we won't have so many people to watch out for."

"Filch'll still be a right pain in the behind." George said. "He moves bloody fast for an old geezer."

Fred grinned and waved the map. "Yeah, but he can move as fast as he wants now that we've got this. We'll see him coming a mile away."

George grinned in return and opened a box of Every Flavor Beans to help fuel their thinking.

Fred looked at the tiny figures wandering around the map as he popped a bean into his mouth.

"Dumbledore's pacing again." George pointed out as he took a bean himself.

"Does the man do anything else?"

"There goes Filch." George said grimly, pointing out the labeled figure making its way through the Entrance Hall, then through a door into another corridor.

"Not after a student for once." Fred noticed, chewing on a toast flavored bean. Then he realized something much more interesting. "Hang on; I don't recognize that corridor,"

"Could it be?" George acted flabbergasted. "A corner of this castle unknown to us?"

"I dare say." Fred nodded. "And you know what that means."

"I most certainly do." George said and held out the box. "A bean for the road?"

They each took one, wiped the map, and headed for the dormitory door.

"If I may be so bold, I'd say we'll know this school inside out by the end of the year." Fred said as they ate the beans.

"I think you're-" George started to say, then choked.

Fred frowned. "You all right?"

George pointed to his mouth, his eyes watering. "Garlic."

---

As Fred and George made their way to the Entrance Hall they did their best to look as casual as possible, which was a bit difficult for George, as he was still feeling the after affects of the garlic flavored bean.

"You're s-sure there's no one dow-down there?" George coughed as they approached the unknown corridor.

"Yes, I checked." Fred assured him. "Do you need a tissue? You're crying as if you'd seen Snape doing ballet."

"I'm fine." George said. "But thanks for the image."

"Anytime."

Without a second thought, the two hurried through the door they'd seen Filch enter and found themselves in a warmly lit stone corridor lined with paintings that were mostly of food.

"Hm." Fred looked around. "Nothing glaringly interesting."

George pulled out the map, not giving up just yet. "Yes, but as a wise marauder once said,"

"There's always more than meets the eye."

George tapped the map and said the twins' favorite words. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

As Hogwarts and its residents appeared before them, Fred and George looked over the corridor for anything they may have missed.

"There," Fred pointed and looked up. "There should be a door."

"Probably behind one of the paintings." George guessed.

They walked forward, watching themselves on the map. They stopped when it indicated that they were standing in front of the door.

The two looked to their left and found themselves looking at a painting of a bowl of fruit.

"Right," Fred moved forward immediately, inspecting the painting. "Now we have to figure out how to open it."

He pulled the edges of the frame and looked at the fruit, which remained unmoving.

Fred continued his efforts and George glanced down at the map to make sure no one was coming. As he determined that the corridor was Filch-free, he noticed that the figure labeled 'George Weasley' was moving.

"Hey Fred, come look at this."

Fred stopped and looked as the tiny George walked up to the painting in the map and appeared to be poking it.

They frowned.

"What's it doing?" Fred asked.

"No clue."

"It looks like it's poking it,"

"No wait," George looked closer. "It looks like he's…tickling it?"

Fred gave him a look.

"I'm just saying that's what it looks like."

"Fine," He sighed, then went up to the painting and began tickling all the fruit in the picture.

To both their surprise, the pear suddenly giggled and hopped to the side, turning into a door handle.

"Well," Fred said. "Now nothing surprises me."

George gestured to the door. "After you."

Fred opened the door slightly and they both peeked inside and found themselves face o face with a house elf.

"Er…hi." George said.

This was the last thing they had expected to see. Apparently it was the last thing the house elf had expected as well, but he quickly got over his surprise and smiled at them.

"Hello sirs, come in, come in." He gestured animatedly.

They looked at each other and shrugged and opened the door the rest of the way.

"It's the kitchen," Fred said, looking around.

They saw dozens of other house elves milling about, carrying plates and preparing food. A few had noticed the two new visitors and watched interestedly.

The first elf continued to beam up at them. "Is you wanting anything to eat or drink sirs? Some tea and biscuits perhaps?" He asked eagerly, looking as if he were hoping they would say yes.

George shrugged. "Well, I could use something to get the garlic taste out of my mouth,"

Within seconds two elves hurried forward with some tea and a plate of biscuits.

"Now that's service!" Fred said, helping himself.

"You know," George mumbled around a mouthful of food. "This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

The elves positively glowed.

"Thank you very much sirs, you're too kind." The elf squeaked happily.

Fred took a sip of tea. "You know, that's the first time anyone's ever said that to us."

"I bet Filch has never heard it." George joked.

"Mr. Filch is not as nice as Mr. Dumbledore," One of the elves passing with a tray said. "He hardly ever smiles when we serves him his lunch."

The elf waved her away. "You mustn't be saying rude things about Mr. Filch." He whispered.

The boys both stopped chewing.

"Filch comes in here for his lunch?" Fred asked.

The elf nodded. "Every day at twelve o'clock." She said, then continued on.

The twins looked at each other, smiling evilly.

George cleared his throat. "Well, we really must be going."

"Lots of homework,"

The elf followed them to the door. "It was very nice seeing you sirs, come back anytime!"

"We'll be sure to take you up on that." Fred said as he opened the door.

"Biscuits were spot on." George added as they left.

They shut the door and the handle turned back into a pear and hopped back in the bowl.

"George," Fred said slowly.

"Yes Fred?"

"Do we still have those Cockroach Clusters?"

"Why yes, I believe we do."

"Then Filch's lunch will be infinitely more interesting tomorrow than it was today."


	3. A Forest of Trouble

AN: Well, I managed to get a third chapter done pretty quickly, I hope you enjoy. Unfortunately, a fourth chapter may be a little while from now because starting on Wednesday I will not have access to a computer until September 1st. But, I will do my best to update as soon as I can after that :)

Chapter 3-A Forest of Trouble

Fred and George squinted in the bright January sun as they headed out of the castle with their friend Lee Jordan to enjoy their Friday afternoon. The snow wasn't even up to their ankles, and they hoped there would be another big snowfall before spring arrived; that way they could have their annual snowball fight with Percy, though his involvement was rarely voluntary.

"Fred, George," A familiar voice called out from behind them.

"Percy, old chap!" Fred exclaimed, his arms outstretched exaggeratedly.

"We were just thinking about you old boy!" George called as Percy made his way towards them.

"Please don't." He said, rightly assuming that their thoughts of him involved discomfort on his part. "Shouldn't you be inside doing your Potions homework?"

"Silly Percy," Fred waved his hand. "We haven't got any Potions homework."

Percy frowned at him. "Yes you do, you were both complaining to me about what a right foul git Snape is for assigning you all that work so soon after Christmas holidays."

The boys looked at each other, trying to devise a clever plan to escape Percy's unrelenting homework-finishing attitude.

Fred pointed towards the castle. "Hey Perce, I think McGonagall's calling you."

"What?" He turned to look and the three boys ran in the opposite direction.

They stopped when they reached the edge of the Forbidden Forest and laughed.

"Gullible bloke." George said, catching his breath.

Fred shook his head. "Got to love him for it."

"You'd think he'd have learned by now with you two for brothers." Lee said.

"You'd think."

As the three caught their breath they peered into the trees beside them.

"You ever wonder what's in there?" Lee asked.

"Every day." Fred and George replied together, staring through the trees longingly.

"You ever think about checking it out?" Lee looked sideways at them.

"Every day." They grinned.

"Let's go have a look, real quick." Fred said.

Lee looked a little apprehensive.

"Come on, I dare you to," George urged. "Besides, Hagrid goes in there all the time."

"Hagrid's a bit bigger than us." Lee looked at him incredulously.

"Fine then, we'll sit on each other's shoulders." Fred said. "Let's go, we won't go that far in."

"Fine," Lee gave in. "Forget the shoulders thing though."

---

"Do you hear that?"

"No."

"You're a liar."

"What else is new?"

Fred kicked a pile of snow as Lee looked around cautiously.

"This isn't so scary." Fred said. "I don't see what all the fuss is about."

"The way they go on about it, you'd think it was teeming with danger." George agreed.

There was a rustling and Lee turned quickly. "You don't know that it's not." He said.

"Oh come on," Fred jumped and swung from a tree branch. "Don't tell me you're scared."

"I'm not." Lee replied. "I'm just not as sure as you that it's danger-free."

He looked around where they had come from. The trees were thick and he could no longer see the grounds.

Fred and George continued to gripe about the lack of creature sightings.

"I thought there were supposed to be werewolves," George said.

"And vampires." Fred added.

"Centaurs," Lee said.

"Them too." George nodded.

"No," Lee whispered, pointing ahead. "Centaurs."

Fred and George stopped and looked where Lee was pointing. About twenty feet in front of them stood two centaurs deep in conversation.

"They haven't noticed us yet." Fred whispered.

They had heard that centaurs could be touchy and they didn't care to hang around and find out if it were true.

They began to slowly back away, trying to be as quiet as possible. Unfortunately that didn't last long; Lee caught his foot on a snow-covered rock and fell backwards, crashing to the ground. The centaurs turned towards the commotion and spotted the three boys. For a second, no one moved. Then one of the centaurs took a step forward, frowning.

"Get up!" Fred and George hauled Lee to his feet and they started running as fast as they could.

"This is your fault!" Lee yelled.

"You're the one who tripped!" George yelled back.

Fred looked over his shoulder. "I don't see them."

Lee pointed to their right to a thick tree. "Quick, behind there."

They hurried over and crouched down, breathing hard.

"I don't hear them," George said, peering around the tree.

They had just started to catch their breath when a voice boomed out from behind them.

"What're you doin' here?!"

"AAAAAH!" The three boys fell backwards, screaming.

They stopped when they saw Hagrid standing there with Fang at his side.

"Hagrid," Fred wheezed, massaging his chest. "You nearly killed us."

"Bloody hell." Lee fell backwards into the snow.

"Yer not supposed to be in here, you want to get yourselves killed?" Hagrid scolded, walking towards them. "Yer lucky I'm the one who found you,"

"Yeah," George nodded. "Real lucky."

"Ruddy troublemakers!" Hagrid hoisted them up and carried them back to the grounds, grumbling all the way.

---

Fred, George, and Lee sat quietly in detention for the second day in a row, the ticking of their watches breaking the silence.

"You know," Fred whispered. "I think we got off pretty easy."

"Yeah," George shrugged. "It's not so bad; we could be polishing in the trophy room."

"They wouldn't trust us in the trophy room." Lee pointed out.

"True." The twins nodded.

Silence enveloped them again, but only for a moment before Fred turned again, grinning.

"So, would you be up for going in the Forest again?"

George nodded, looking at Lee.

"You're crazy." Lee said. "But yeah."


	4. Garden Pals

AN: I'm baaack! I had a nice refreshing break from reality, and I have completed two more chapters while I was doing it. Here's the first if them, enjoy!

Chapter 4-Garden Pals

"You two are supposed to be helping!" Ron called irritably as he tossed another gnome out of the garden.

A few feet away, Fred and George had only grabbed one gnome each so far in the half hour they'd been outside, and they were currently swinging them at each others heads.

"But you're doing beautifully Ron," Fred said, ducking George's thrashing gnome.

"If we got involved we'd only mess things up." George agreed.

"Oh shut up." Ron grumbled, wiping the sweat off his forehead and cursing the mid-July heat.

"Excuse me," Fred stopped and looked at him seriously. "There's no need to get rude."

"You know what your problem is?" George said, equally as serious. "You're too tense. You need to have a bit of fun."

Ron began to feel uneasy; Fred and George's idea of fun wasn't normally enjoyable for anyone else.

He took a nervous step backwards as they grinned.

"I'm not tense," Ron protested.

They started walking towards him, holding the gnomes out towards him.

"Come play with us Ronnie,"

Ron started backing away. "Stop it!"

They continued forward, chanting. "Come play with us Ronnie,"

"Get away from me-AH!" Ron stumbled over a scurrying gnome and fell to the ground.

Fred and George laughed.

"This is your fault!" Ron climbed back to his feet and ran towards the house. "Mum! Mum!"

They continued to laugh as they hurried away from the house, not fancying facing their mother's wrath at the moment.

Narrowly avoiding being bitten, the two tossed the gnomes out of the garden and brushed the dirt off their hands. Suddenly, something caught their eye; a short distance ahead they spotted something that looked like a gnome wearing a dress lying face down on the grass. Upon closer inspection though, they soon realized it was just one of Ginny's old dolls.

George picked it up and held it as far away from himself as possible.

"No wonder the bloody thing's so ratty looking, she leaves it lying around in the dirt."

Fred scrunched his nose at it. "She might want to get a new one before it starts looking like a gnome from the front as well as the back." He laughed a little. "Can you imagine one of those things wearing a dress?"

George turned his head towards him slowly, his eyebrows raised.

Fred grinned, pulling out his wand.

---

"AAAAH!" Ginny screamed as she sprinted down the stairs. "Mum! MUM!"

Mrs. Weasley ran from the kitchen and met her at the bottom of the stairs.

"Ginny! What's wrong? Why are you screaming?" She grabbed her daughter by the shoulders and turned her around twice, making sure she wasn't hurt.

"It's my doll!" Ginny said hurriedly, her eyes wide. "Something happened to it, it's all ugly,"

"I told you not to leave it lying in the garden," Mrs. Weasley sighed.

"No!" She shook her head. "Not ugly like that, different, and then it started moving!"

Mrs. Weasley frowned. "Moving?"

Suddenly, something small and extremely unattractive wearing a doll's dress came rolling down the stairs, landing at their feet.

Mrs. Weasley screamed and jumped back, pulling Ginny by the shirt collar with her.

"That's it!" Ginny shrieked.

The thing jumped back to its feet, gnashed its teeth at them, and scurried away through the house.

"What's happened?" Ginny asked.

Mrs. Weasley, realizing exactly what had happened, scowled furiously. "Fred!" She yelled shrilly. "George!"

As she waited, there was crashing from the other room and Percy came stumbling in.

"Er, why is there a gnome in a dress running around the house?" He asked, smoothing his hair.

"That's exactly what I'd like to know." Mrs. Weasley whipped around to face Fred and George, who were trying to sneak out of the house behind her.

"Well?!"

"Why do you always assume it's us? Maybe Ron's trying to set us up." Fred said.

"As if anyone else in this house could think of the things you do!" Mrs. Weasley snapped.

"That's true, we are quite brilliant." George shrugged.

"Enough!"

She was interrupted by thumping and a crash, and a moment later Mr. Weasley hurried into the room.

"Molly, the gnomes have found a way in the house," He said, then frowned. "I think it was wearing a dress."

Fred and George quickly turned their laughs into coughs.

---

"Stupid garden." Fred grunted as he threw another flailing gnome.

"Stupid sun." George wiped the sweat off his face.

The two were serving their 'de-gnoming the garden for the rest of the summer' punishment.

Ron stood a few feet away, amused that the misfortune was theirs for once.

"It's not our fault we have brilliant though unconventional ideas." Fred said.

"Just because we have open minds," George added.

"You know what your problem is?" Ron called. "You're too tense. You need to have a bit of fun."

Fred and George turned to face him menacingly.

He ran before they could make a move and they followed.

"Get back here Ronald, we'll show you a bit of fun!"


	5. The Best Team

AN: Whoo, chapter five! Wow, the chapters are going by fast. Oh well, there's never a shortage of crazy antics when it comes to Gred and Forge!

Chapter 5-The Best Team

"They're friendly folk, those house elves." Fred commented as he and George walked back to the Gryffindor common room.

They were just returning from yet another enjoyable trip to the kitchen, their pockets stuffed with food.

"Friendliest I've seen." George agreed.

The two hurried up the staircase, skipping the trick step, eager for their afternoon snack.

When they gave the Fat Lady the password and climbed through the portrait hole, they saw a group of people crowding and looking at something. This of course caught their interest.

Their best friend Lee Jordan stood near the back of the group and the twins pushed their way over to him.

"Hey Lee," Fred said. "What's all the fuss about?"

"Quidditch tryouts," Lee explained excitedly. "The Gryffindor team needs a few new players."

Fred and George stood on their toes and craned their necks to see over the heads of the people in front of them.

They could see a poster announcing that tryouts would be held the next day after classes for the three Chaser and two Beater positions.

"Blimey," George said. "That's practically the whole bloody team."

Lee shrugged. "A lot of seventh years were on the team last year. Oliver must be having a fit; he's pretty uptight just on a normal day." He said, referring to the team captain.

"Well I'm trying out for sure." Fred said enthusiastically as they retreated back into the room.

"Me too." George nodded. "What about you Lee? Fancy beating off a couple of Bludgers? Or dodging them?"

Lee shook his head. "Not me. I never really took to flying; I'd end up face first in the mud."

"Ah that's all part of the fun." Fred nudged him with his elbow.

"I'll leave the mud-diving to you." Lee said. "I'll be laughing safely from the sidelines."

---

The next afternoon Fred and George, accompanied by Lee who was offering moral support, headed out to the Quidditch pitch for tryouts, clutching their Cleansweep Fives.

A fair number of hopefuls had turned out, as well as a group of spectators.

"Looks like you'll have an audience." Lee nodded.

Fred shrugged. "We're used to it."

"Good luck." Lee said, and went to join the spectators as Fred and George joined the waiting players.

The Gryffindor captain, fourth year Oliver Wood, stood in front of them with the only remaining member of his team, seventh year Darren Connelly, the Seeker.

"Alright," Oliver called out, getting their attention. "We'll begin the tryouts now. As you know, there are five positions that need to be filled: the three Chasers and two Beaters." He looked around at each of them, a serious look on his face. "Each position is extremely important and I'm not only looking for the best player, I'm looking for the best team." He emphasized the last word. "I need people who are incredible at the game as well as incredible at working together. I'm also looking for people who aren't afraid to break a few bones." He added. "If you can't handle any of that, you can leave right now."

Everyone remained silent, but a couple of third year girls turned and walked back to the castle.

"Wusses." George whispered.

"Right then, let's get started." Oliver clapped his hands together.

He stopped when a boy raised his hand.

"Er, yes?" Oliver asked.

"What if you don't like being hit in the face?" The boy asked seriously.

Oliver stared at him. "Get back to the castle."

He obeyed and Oliver sighed.

"Despite what the professors may have told you, there is such thing as a stupid question." He said. "Alright, first I want to see how well you all fly, dodge, catch, and hit, depending on what position you're trying out for."

Fred and George waited eagerly as each person was sent through the paces.

"God, they're bloody awful," Fred said as they watched a boy fumble with the Quaffle, then pout as his throw fell three feet short of the goalpost.

A girl had to be taken to the hospital wing after being hit in the face by one Bludger, and another boy panicked and nearly fell off his broom when the other shot after him.

"We're getting on the team for sure." George said confidently.

"Bit unfair really." Fred agreed.

"Right," Oliver approached them, rubbing his temples and looking quite stressed. "You two are up. What are you trying out for?"

They grinned. "Beaters." They replied together.

"Of course." Oliver took the Beater bats from Darren and handed them to the twins. "Here. And please, tell me you're both as good at Quidditch as your brother."

"Relax Oliver." Fred took the bat.

George took the other. "Your Bludgers are in good hands."

As the two climbed onto their brooms and shot into the air, circling around each other, Lee began cheering.

"Weasley, Weasley, they're the ones, they make Bludgers look like fun!"

They circled a couple of more times, then readied themselves as Oliver released the Bludgers yet again.

One headed right towards Fred and the other flew straight up into the air, and George immediately soared after it.

"And they're off!" Lee shouted. "Who will strike the first blow: Bludger, or human wrecking ball?"

Fred concentrated on the shooting missile, holding up the bat. At the very last second he swung as hard as he could and with a resounding crack he sent the Bludger soaring straight toward the goalposts, and flying straight through one of the hoops.

George flattened himself against his broom as he chased after the Bludger. He soon came alongside it, and with a mighty swing sent it shooting back to the ground towards Fred, who in turn sent it through the goalpost after the first.

Fred and George circled in the air victoriously as the Bludgers were caught and restrained.

"Those Bludgers didn't stand a chance!" Lee shouted. "Had to feel sorry for them really,"

They touched back down and got off their brooms. Oliver rushed towards them, beaming and looking very excited.

"That was fantastic, you two are perfect!" He said.

They shrugged. "We know."

"Congratulations, you're on the team!" He shook their hands excessively.

Lee cheered again from the sidelines and the others waiting to try for Beater grumbled.

"Brilliant!" Fred said, grinning.

"We can't wait to get started!" George said.

"Yeah, getting cheered for hurting people,"

"It's a dream come true."


	6. The Good Knight

AN: There, that didn't take too long! I hope you all like. I just wanted to say thanks for all the great reviews I've gotten, you guys are the best :)

Chapter 6-The Good Knight

Fred and George trudged wearily through the corridors, exhausted after yet another Quidditch practice.

"Oliver's crazy." George grumbled as they began their long hike up the staircases.

"He's fanatical." Fred agreed. "He's going to kill us."

"Halt, filthy dogs!" A voice suddenly commanded from behind them.

They turned their heads and saw Sir Cadogan, brandishing his sword at them pathetically.

"State your purpose," He demanded. "Or face my unmerciful wrath!"

"Push off." Fred huffed, turning away again. "I'm not in the mood."

The boys continued up the stairs and the bothersome knight hurried after them.

"I said halt!" He called angrily. "You dare challenge me?"

The visor on his helmet clanged down as he ran, and he tripped out of the painting.

George snorted. "With any luck he'll have fallen into that all black painting on the third floor."

Unfortunately, the knight appeared again two paintings away, stumbling and lifting his visor.

"Rotten luck." Fred frowned.

"You think a slight stumble would stop me?" He cried, brandishing his sword yet again.

"I think you've taken more than a slight stumble in your day." Fred retorted as they walked by.

"Face me like a man you scurvy dog!"

George rolled his eyes. "Don't you have a damsel in distress to go rescue or something?"

Sir Cadogan frowned and studied him warily. "Why? Have you heard something?"

Fred and George exchanged looks.

"Er, yeah," George said as Fred nodded. "Didn't you hear? There's been some trouble on the fourth floor,"

"Ho, ho! There won't be for much longer!" Sir Cadogan said excitedly.

"Better hurry." Fred urged.

He nodded. "Onward!" He cried, and was on his way.

The boys sighed with relief.

"Nuisance removed." George said.

"And we didn't have to ruin any paintings to do it."

---

Later in the evening, Fred and George sat next to the warmth of the fire, forgetting about any homework they may have had, as per their tradition.

"We're running low on fireworks," Fred said.

George added them to their shopping list.

"Hey," Lee had entered the common room and went to sit with them. "Did you hear about Sir Cadogan?"

"What, did he impale himself on his sword?" Fred asked sarcastically.

"No, but the teachers wish he would have. He went and wreaked havoc in almost every painting on the fourth floor." Lee explained.

Fred and George froze.

"Fourth floor you say?" Fred asked.

"Er, what was he doing there?"

Lee shrugged. "No one's sure really. A couple of them said he was muttering something about trouble and a damsel, and then he went and kidnapped one of the ladies from that tea party painting!"

The twins' mouths dropped open.

"I know," Lee nodded. "Shocking isn't it? The teachers are not happy at all."

"Uh, yeah," Fred agreed. "Flabbergasted. Did you happen to hear where he went?"

"The teachers seem to think he's still on the fourth floor, but he's probably gone back up to the astronomy tower. He seems to like it there lately."

"Right,"

"Well, we're off," George said quickly. "We were just about to pop down to the kitchen."

They stood and hurried to the door.

"We'll bring you back something." Fred called.

---

"Sir Cadogan,"

"Sir Cadogan?"

Fred and George called softly as they made their way up the astronomy tower.

"Bloody hell, it's like climbing a mountain." Fred wheezed.

"Well we have to find him." George said. "It's our fault he went nutty,"

"You're the one who told him there was trouble on the fourth floor." Fred said.

"You had the same idea!" George shot back. "And I didn't hear you stopping me."

Fred sighed. "This is useless. We don't even know if he's up here."

George suddenly got an idea. "I know how to find out if he's here."

"How?"

"Help!" He called. "Help! I am in peril!"

Fred stared at him. "You are in peril?"

George shrugged.

It didn't take long for them to hear a familiar clanking as Sir Cadogan jumped into the painting beside them.

"Where is the danger?" He demanded.

"It's gone." Fred said quickly. "We need to know where the lady from the tea party is."

"The damsel in distress?"

"She's not in distress," George said. "She never was."

"Of course she was!" Sir Cadogan insisted. "She was almost trampled by the stampeding rhino!"

"There was a stampeding rhino?!"

"Yes, it got a little frightened after I scared off the ninjas,"

"We get the picture." Fred stopped him, afraid to hear any more.

"Listen," George said. "She really needs to get back to her painting,"

"Silly boy," The knight waved his hand. "She's much safer under my guard."

"But everything's OK now, right?" Fred asked warily. "I mean all the danger's gone from the fourth floor?"

"Oh no," Sir Cadogan shook his head. "That floor is in a horrible state, I must return as soon as possible."

"Uh,"

"But,"

"I'm sure everyone's safe now,"

"Yeah, it's not that bad,"

"Of course it is," The stubborn knight refused to be persuaded. "You told me yourself!"

"Really?" A cold voice said from behind them, making them freeze.

They turned slowly, already knowing what awaited them.

"Professor Snape," Fred smiled weakly. "What a surprise."

"What brings you up here?"

"I came up here, looking for the good knight," Snape replied. "I would ask you the same question, but I already have the answer."

"We tried to fix things," Fred said desperately.

"Doesn't that count for something?" George pleaded.

Snape smiled coldly. "No."


	7. Percy's Meltdown

Chapter 7-Percy's Meltdown

It was a lovely Saturday afternoon, but instead of being able to roam free through Hogsmeade like all the students in third year and up, Fred and George were forced to stay behind in the castle with their dreams of Honeydukes and Zonko's Joke Shop. Of course, the fact that every other student under third year had to stay behind as well meant nothing to them.

They both lay on their beds in the dormitory, staring up at the ceiling.

Fred sighed loudly.

George sighed louder.

"We could go outside." Lee, who was sitting restlessly on his own bed, suggested.

"There are no heavenly sweets waiting outside." Fred said dully.

"There are no fabulous prank paraphernalia outside." George added wearily.

"You two are impossible." Lee huffed, shaking his head. "We've only got til next year to wait."

"It's still a wait." Fred said stubbornly.

"Fine." Lee gave up, standing and walking to the door. "I'm going out to enjoy the day. When you both rouse yourselves from your miserable stupor, you can join me."

With that, he was gone.

Fred sighed loudly.

George sighed louder.

Fred sat up suddenly. "Lee's right you know. We should enjoy the day."

He pulled his trunk out from under the bed, opened it, and pulled out the lining, revealing the hiding spot they concealed the Marauder's Map in when they weren't using it.

George sat up. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking," Fred raised his eyebrows devilishly. "We don't have to wait until next year for heavenly sweets and fabulous prank paraphernalia." He touched his wand to the map. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

"I dunno," George said apprehensively as Hogwarts appeared in front of them. "What if somebody spots us? We don't exactly blend in."

"It's cold out, we'll wear our big hats." Fred replied. "And turn our collars up."

George rolled his eyes. "Yeah, because that's not obvious."

"Come on," Fred scanned the map quickly. "Everyone'll be too busy to give us a second look." He smiled. "There." He pointed. "That, dear brother, is the passageway to happiness."

"Fine, but if we get caught I'm telling Percy it was you who transfigured his shoes into gravy boats."

---

"How many fireworks did you get?"

"Enough for three months. You got the Jelly Slugs, right?"

"Of course."

Fred and George went over their purchases as they walked down the street, keeping their faces pointed to the ground.

"Was there anything else we needed to do, or should we get back?" George asked, glancing at his watch.

"I wouldn't mind taking a peek at the Shrieking Shack." Fred shrugged.

"I think that'll have to wait." George grabbed his arm, stopping him.

Walking in their direction in the crowd up ahead was their third worst nightmare, Percy.

"Quick, turn back before he,"

Percy glanced up at them, and his mouth dropped open when he realized who he was looking at.

"Go, go!"

They scrambled, bumping a couple of people as they doubled back and hurried towards Honeydukes. They dodged and ducked behind people as they went, trying to lose Percy in the crowd; so far it seemed to be working.

They reached the shop quickly and the two hurried in as casually as possible, and Percy was not far behind. As always though, the twins were two steps ahead of their brother and in the blink of an eye had disappeared to the cellar and were safely on their way back to Hogwarts.

---

"That was a close one." Fred breathed when they were safely back in the dormitory.

"One of the closest we've had." George said.

They both sat on their beds, preparing themselves for their next acting session. It didn't take long for Percy to come barging in as expected.

"Excuse me!"

"Dear me! Percy, we could have been changing!"

"How did you do it?" Percy demanded, his hair sticking out wildly. "How did you sneak in?"

Fred and George maintained their looks of shock.

"Really Percy, you're making no sense at all." Fred said.

"Sneak in where?" George asked.

"You know perfectly well where!" Percy spat viciously, reminding them an awful lot of their mother. "I saw you walking around Hogsmeade. I've reported you to Professor McGonagall, but she said there's no way you could have gotten in, and she needs proof."

He flipped open their trunks and began rifling through everything.

"I say!" Fred exclaimed. "I don't think I'm entirely comfortable with you rooting through my underwear!"

"If you've run out of knickers that's your problem, you're not taking any of mine." George said firmly.

Percy scowled at them. "Where is everything you bought? You've hidden it somewhere, I know you have!"

"Oh dear," Fred shook his head. "All that homework has finally driven you nutty."

"I'm sure if you go see Madam Pomfrey she would help you." George said.

"I know I saw you." Percy said, pointing at them. "I don't know how you did it, but you were there."

He whirled around and stomped out.

They started laughing immediately.

"Brilliant!" Fred gasped.

"That was too perfect!" George brushed away the tears.

As they calmed themselves, Fred pulled out the Map to see if it was safe to retrieve their purchases from the passageway.

"And to think, driving him crazy was just a bonus!"

"McGonagall will never look at him the same."


	8. Tales from the Attic

AN: Sorry it took me so long to update; stupid readings -- College is all textbook reading, I hate it. Anyway, enough of my petty problems, chapter 8!

Chapter 8-Tales from the Attic

"So," Fred drummed his fingers on the kitchen table.

"So." George replied.

The two sat inside the kitchen, trying to avoid the mid-day heat. The problem that confronted them now, was to find something to do that would hold their interest for longer than two minutes.

"So," Mrs. Weasley turned away from the dishes she was washing. "If you're not going to do anything, either help me with these dishes or go be useless in your room."

"Alright."

They sighed as they got to their feet and headed to the stairs.

"You know, if she'd suggested homework I would've laughed." Fred said.

"Nah, mum knows us better by now."

"Homework isn't such a bad idea you two." Percy said, coming out of his room. "Then maybe you'd know what you were doing for once."

"And be a nutter like you?" Fred said. "No thanks."

Percy frowned and went down the stairs.

Fred and George continued on, approaching Ginny's room; she was sitting on her bed, drawing.

"Hey Ginny, want to play a game or something?" George asked.

"No." She replied, not looking up.

"Come on, we've got candy." Fred offered.

"No." She said again.

"Why not?"

"Because," She said impatiently. "The last time I played a game with you I ruined my pants and had sticks stuck in my hair for two days."

"That wasn't our fault." Fred said.

"We told you to nudge the broom to the left." George said.

"I'm still not playing." Ginny said firmly.

"Fine."

They left her to her drawing.

As they strolled past Ron's room they saw him standing on his bed and banging the ceiling with a broom, and they stopped to watch.

"If you're trying to fly Ron, that's not the way to do it." George said.

He climbed down off his bed. "I'm not trying to fly." He grumbled.

"Then you were cleaning with the wrong end." Fred said.

Ron sat the broom down. "It's that bloody ghoul, he won't shut up!"

As more of a reaction as a prankster than anything, Fred quickly replied "It's not a ghoul, that's our crazy cousin."

Ron frowned at him. "I'm not stupid, it's a ghoul."

"Mum and dad just tell everyone that so people don't get suspicious." George said, going along with Fred's joke.

"Yeah right." Ron said.

"If you don't believe us, go and have a look for yourself." Fred shrugged.

"You're lying." Ron insisted, but there was doubt written all over his face.

"Alright."

The two turned and left, grins on their faces.

---

That night, Ron, tucked into bed, tried to get to sleep but could only stare at the ceiling.

'They're lying.' He assured himself. 'It's absolutely ridiculous. I've fallen for too many of their stupid jokes.'

He turned over and shut his eyes.

"_Ron,_"

He suddenly heard a whisper so faint he could convince himself it wasn't even real.

"_Ron,"_

It was louder this time; he didn't dare move.

"_Ron, help me,"_

Ron covered his head with his blanket and scrunched his eyes shut, oblivious to the fact that Fred and George were now hurrying back to their room, struggling not to laugh.

---

The next morning Fred and George noticed Ron was quieter than usual during breakfast, didn't grumble when he was told to clean his room, and went upstairs straightaway.

"Poor Ronald, you almost have to feel sorry for him." Fred said as they climbed the stairs after him.

"He can handle it, he's a resilient little fellow." George said.

They reached the top of the house and saw Ron staring up at the ceiling again.

"Alright Ron?" Fred asked, making him jump.

"Yes." He replied quickly. "Why?"

"You looked lost in thought." George said. "We were worried you might've hurt yourself."

"Very funny."

"I know."

"Were you thinking about our dear cousin?" Fred asked.

"No." Ron said grumpily. "I still don't believe you."

"We told you to have a look." George shrugged.

"But, if you'd rather live in blissful ignorance, that's just fine." Fred said, patting his shoulder.

They turned and headed back down the stairs.

"You're dirty liars!" Ron called after them.

Unfortunately, after a couple of more minutes of pondering, curiosity got the better of him.

Fred and George, hiding around the corner, watched amusedly as Ron made his way cautiously into the attic.

They struggled not to laugh as they slowly followed.

"Little brothers are great." George shook his head.

"Two days worth of entertainment."

They could hear Ron ahead of them, calling out softly.

"Hello? Is there someone here?"

They laughed quietly.

"Now?" George whispered.

"Not yet," Fred whispered back. "Wait for it."

Ron continued to take nervous steps forward. The ghoul groaned, but stayed obscured by the darkness.

Ron wrung his hands nervously.

He began to back away, and Fred and George quickly took action:

With wild bellows and a well-timed Filibuster's firework, the attic was soon filled with Ron's screams and the twins' laughter.

---

Finding something to do was not a problem for the rest of the summer, having earned themselves their longest punishment ever.

"Why do people need so many clothes?" George mumbled as he hauled the freshly cleaned laundry outside to dry.

Fred began to clean up the horrible mess left behind from dinner, cursing the fact that they couldn't use magic.

"Cheer up Fred." Ron said, strolling into the kitchen. "Only three weeks of summer left."

"Push off." Fred scowled. "Or I'll tell everyone how you scream just like a little girl."

"I do not scream like a girl." Ron said, flicking some food onto the floor.

George, having returned from hanging laundry, crept up behind him.

"BOO!"

Ron shrieked and ran from the room, leaving the twins shaking with laughter.


	9. The Book bag Crisis

AN: Sorry for the delay, I've been held up by school. But, here you are!

Chapter 9-The Book bag Crisis

Fred and George ducked as their Nifflers torpedoed into the mound of dirt in front of them, spraying it everywhere.

"Quick little buggers, aren't they?" George brushed dirt out of his hair.

"This has to be the best Care of Magical Creatures class." Fred said as his Niffler returned with a pile of coins and a wristwatch.

George patted his Niffler on the head. "They're so cute."

"Like Ginny when she was a baby."

"Only less hairy."

The Niffler climbed over their shoulders and heads, sniffing them curiously.

"These would come in handy you know," George said. "Get us some gold and buy out Zonko's."

A thoughtful look suddenly crossed Fred's face. "You have a point,"

George frowned. "I was only joking; I don't want Zonko's."

"No, not that." Fred shook his head. "The getting us gold part."

George snorted. "We can't steal a Niffler."

Fred raised his eyebrows. "Can't we?"

"Come on. You've had some good ideas Fred, but I have to say, this isn't one of them. Should I be worried?"

"No, but I should be insulted. Just because you're too dim to see it doesn't mean it's not a good idea." Fred retorted. "We wouldn't keep it; they'd never know it was gone. Besides, we've done worse."

George shrugged. "That's true."

"Right then. We'll kidnap it for the lunch hour and have it back before we can name it."

The professor signaled the end of the class and as the students crowded to return their Nifflers, George subtly hid his inside his book bag as Fred returned his own.

"All set?" Fred asked, walking back over.

"All set." George replied, turning just in time to see a girl walking off with his bag.

"Wha-I-muh," George gaped.

Fred stood silently.

George looked down at the grass at the two book bags left.

"No, no," He crouched down and opened them; they were his and Fred's.

"Oh dear,"

---

"It was your stupid idea!"

"You're the git who stuck it in the wrong bag!"

"They look alike! She shouldn't have dropped it so close to mine."

Fred and George argued quietly as they walked through the castle, a few feet behind the unsuspecting girl.

"Go get it back," Fred nudged George's arm.

"How?" He hissed.

"Figure it out, it's your turn for an idea."

Fred shoved him forward and he stumbled. He righted himself and continued on towards the girl, glaring back at Fred.

Regaining his composure, George waltzed up to the girl casually.

"Hello," He said. "Spiffing class, wasn't it? You're bag looks heavy; shall I carry it for you?"

She gave him a look. "No." She quickened her pace and walked on ahead of him.

George gaped after her, frowning. "Rude,"

He dropped back and walked alongside Fred.

"Right," He said. "Your turn."

"I need time," Fred said thoughtfully. "She sounds like she'll be a tough nut to crack."

"Well get cracking genius, or we're really in for it."

---

"Got a plan?"

"Sh."

Fred and George sat in the Great Hall, watching the girl, and absently taking bites of their lunch every once in a while.

"We've got time," Fred assured his twin. "We have a free class, remember?"

Originally, they had had Defense Against the Dark Arts after lunch, but class for that day had been cancelled; apparently Professor Quirrell had gotten himself into a spot of trouble with a Grindylow he had brought in for a lesson.

"What do you two keep looking at?" Ron asked through a mouthful of food.

"That candle over there." Fred answered. "It's shaped like a monkey."

It being their dear little brother's first year at Hogwarts (along with the famous Harry Potter, who they had met first out of their family and quite liked to remind them of it) the twins had to be more cautious, as they saw much more of him than they did Percy; he was always too busy doing homework, or telling off a student. Ron was also much nosier than Percy, which wasn't good for business.

"What candle?" Ron said stupidly.

"The one that's shaped like a monkey." George said, and they moved a couple of seats down.

"Maybe we could just walk by and grab it," Fred said. "And just leave it in the common room."

"That would work if she didn't have fifty friends around her." George said bitterly.

He would never understand why a girl always needed to travel with an entourage.

He took a bite of his lunch.

"She's moving," Fred smacked George on the shoulder, making him choke.

"Come on," Fred stood and quickly followed the girls out of the Great Hall, George trying to keep up as he caught his breath.

"We're going to lose them, hurry up," Fred urged.

"I won't be much help if I'm dead." George spat, wiping the tears from his eyes.

"You're so dramatic," Fred strained to see ahead of them. "I think they're going to the common room."

"Perfect," George said as they hurried up the stairs. "They'll be talking girly talk, painting their nails and such, we'll sneak the bag away, and boom, crisis over."

They quickly gave the password and rushed inside.

"Right, now act casual and we won't," Fred stopped abruptly; the girls weren't there.

"Where'd they go?!" George spun around, looking again and again.

"I can't take this," Fred tore at his hair. "This is dark magic I tell you,"

"They can't just disappear!" George rubbed his forehead.

They suddenly heard screams and banging from the girls dormitory.

"They didn't." Fred sighed, vowing to get more sleep that night.

The two looked at each other.

"Run?"

"Run."


	10. The Happiest Christmas

Chapter 10-The Happiest Christmas

As the days before the Christmas break quickly slipped away, the school was near to bursting with holiday cheer. The castle was decorated to the last broom cupboard, and the students were full of excitement.

Fred and George, along with their best friend and partner in crime Lee Jordan, were planning on throwing a Christmas party in the Gryffindor common room before everyone left for the holidays.

They had already sent around bellowing invitations and taken care of the decorations.

"Now we've got the food to worry about." Lee said as they walked through the corridors after their last lesson of the day.

"Pft." Fred waved his hand dismissively.

"That's the easy part." George said.

"You go down to the kitchen, get whatever you can carry,"

"And we'll take care of the rest."

"Right." Lee nodded. "I won't ask. And I'll take this." He indicated his book bag.

"That's the ticket," Fred said.

"Better make a couple of trips, Ron's coming after all." George called as Lee headed for the kitchen.

Lee waved a hand.

"Now," Fred and George made their way to the stairs, pulling out the Marauder's Map. "It's time for us to work our magic."

---

When they returned to the common room, Lee was already waiting with a fabulous spread of food, courtesy of the house elves.

"Brilliant," Fred said as he and George emptied their pockets and bags of the Butterbeer, Firewhiskey, and the Honeydukes sweets they had acquired.

"I think even Percy would approve." George said.

"Not likely." Lee rolled his eyes.

"Wow,"

They turned to see Ron, Harry, and Hermione climbing through the portrait hole. Ron stared in awe at the food laid out in front of him.

"Hands off Ronald." Fred warned.

"Keep your snout out until the party." George said.

"Where did you get all of it?" Ron asked, his hand twitching.

"Kitchen of course." Fred replied.

"What about all of this?" Hermione asked suspiciously, indicating the goodies from Hogsmeade.

"Secret stash." George answered casually. "Left over from the last Hogsmeade visit."

"Right." She said, but didn't look convinced.

"Well, we'll see you later." Harry said, and they headed up to the dormitories.

"Blimey, she's as bad as Percy." Fred shook his head.

"That's just what we need."

---

"Come on, eat up, we've still got a whole chicken here,"

"Don't worry, we haven't done anything to the food this time,"

"Christmas spirit and all that,"

Fred and George circled around the crowded common room which was full of festive Gryffindor students pulling crackers and donning the various hats while dodging mice, and enjoying the food and drink provided. Every once in a while Lee would set off a couple of fireworks, adding to the noise and excitement.

"Take a look," Fred nudged George's arm and nodded to Percy, who was standing in a corner looking less than happy, eating Every Flavour Beans.

"He's been like that all night." Lee said, walking up to them.

"What say we cheer the old boy up a bit?" George said, a devilish grin on his face.

He led them to a table in the corner, grabbed a Butterbeer and emptied some of it into a glass.

"I'll take that." Lee grabbed the glass.

George then poured an exuberant amount of Firewhiskey into the Butterbeer flask.

"Excellent," Fred grinned evilly.

"Now let's give stuffypants over there a really happy Christmas." George said, and they made their way through the crowd.

"Ahoy there Percy!" Fred called in greeting as they approached him.

"Having a smashing time I hope." Lee said cheerfully.

"I'm doing fine." Percy said stiffly, eating another bean. He suddenly choked and his eyes began to water.

"Why Percy, whatever's the matter?" George asked, hardly believing their luck.

"Hot pepper," He gasped.

"Quick, drink this," George handed him the flask.

Percy gulped desperately. He stopped for air and made a face.

"This Butterbeer tastes odd,"

"Of course it does," Fred said. "Your taste buds are singed, nothing'll taste right now."

"Right," Percy quickly finished off the flask. "Quick, another."

"Sure thing Perce," George said, hiding his smile as he went off to prepare another.

---

"You know, I've never noticed how red our hair is before." Percy giggled, poking Fred in the head. "It's really quite bright."

The party was in full swing, and Percy had loosened up considerably with the help of several 'Butterwhiskey's'.

"Yeah," Fred nodded. "It's like fire, isn't it?"

Percy frowned. "Oh dear, shall I fetch some water?"

"No, that's alright," Fred replied. "You just enjoy yourself."

"Rightyo!" Percy saluted as the three walked away and then burst out laughing.

"Poor bloke," George shook his head.

"Well, he's having fun for once." Lee said, watching Percy bop oddly to the music that was blaring from somewhere in the room.

"Happiest I've ever seen him." Fred agreed.

They heard a groan and looked around to see Ron sitting not too far away with Harry and Hermione.

"You look good Ron." Fred said.

"Too much," He lurched, looking as if he were about to be sick. "Food." He finished weakly.

"Well, don't finish off a plate of appetizers and a whole pudding by yourself then." George said.

"I didn't."

"Don't lie to us Ronald."

"That plate was full when you approached it."

"Shut up."

"Come on Ron!" Percy bobbled over to them. "It's the holidays! Have some fun!"

"Oh no,"

Percy grabbed Ron's hand and dragged him to his feet, then began dancing him around the room.

"No, Percy stop!"

Fred, George and Lee laughed.

"Maybe someone should get a bin ready," Lee said. "Ron looks a little green."

"Serves him right," Fred said. "He's a giant pig."

Percy finally released Ron, who went stumbling away and landed on an armchair.

Percy proceeded to climb onto a table and do a funny sort of step dance.

"Brilliant!"

They clapped and whistled, thoroughly enjoying the scene.

"I love the holidays."

"Always brings out the best in people."

Percy fell off the table.

"And to all a good night."


	11. Desperate Measures

AN: This chapter is based on an incredible and fantarific idea from a piece of art by olafpriol from Deviantart. You my friend, are a genius.

Chapter 11-Desperate Measures

"Come on, perk up everyone! If you play like this during a match we'll be flattened!"

The weary members of the Gryffindor Quidditch team groaned.

"Give us a break Oliver, it's first thing in the morning!" Angelina called.

"On a Sunday!" Alicia added.

"I don't want to hear you griping, I want to see you winning!" Oliver insisted.

"Oliver, can you pinpoint the exact point in time that you lost your heart?" Katie grumbled.

"The day I met you lot," He shot back. "Now let's go!"

The practice continued, but before long Oliver could hear the voices of Fred and George zooming up behind him.

"Hey Oliver!"

"What?" He turned to face them.

"We've come up with some diversionary tactics for the next match," Fred said.

"Guaranteed to distract the other team," George assured him.

"Leaving the field open for us."

"Want to see?"

"Good Lord," Oliver looked nervously at the enthusiastic expressions on their faces. "Look, no diversions or anything else you might have up your sleeves. Just concentrate on the Bludgers."

He flew off, leaving the twins disgruntled.

"He doesn't know what he's missing," Fred said as they swooped around the pitch.

"Our genius is so underappreciated." George agreed.

"If by genius, you mean insanity," Katie circled around them.

"You're jealous." Fred said.

"Our tactics are fabulous."

"Slave driver," Katie flew off.

"Come on George," Fred spiraled higher into the air. "Let's practice the 'desperate measures' diversion."

"No!"

"Slave driver,"

---

"Goal! Slytherin is on a roll today!" Lee's voice boomed amidst the yells and cheers of the students surrounding the Quidditch pitch.

It was Gryffindor vs. Slytherin, and so far Gryffindor was doing dismally.

"Gryffindor better pull up their socks if they want to win this match!" Lee said.

"This is ridiculous!" Fred took out his frustration on a Bludger.

"Tell me about it," Harry dropped down beside the twins. "That's twice now I've seen the Snitch and it's just disappeared."

"At this rate we're gonna lose for sure," George said, frustrated. "Badly!"

Across the pitch they could see Oliver gesturing wildly; they didn't have to be up close to tell he wasn't very pleased.

"Another goal for Slytherin!"

Harry zoomed off to resume his search for the Snitch, shaking his head.

The match continued on in Slytherin's favor.

Katie Bell gained possession of the Quaffle and zigzagged across the pitch, a red blur.

"Come on!" Fred shouted, hoping the match was about to turn around.

Suddenly a Slytherin Chaser came shooting through the air and torpedoed into Katie, sending her spiraling through the air.

"I smell a penalty!" Lee shouted over the boos from the crowd.

"Whatever happened to good clean fun?" Lee said as the match resumed. "Well, I suppose it's a bit much to ask of the Slytherin's to know the meaning of those words-yes, yes, sorry Professor. Gryffindor's got the Quaffle-Alright Fred, George, we hear you, if you could only get proof that the game is fixed,"

"Jordan! Focus!"

"Sorry Professor,"

After much excellent maneuvering by Angelina, Alicia, and Katie, Gryffindor finally got their second goal; unfortunately it was followed by one Slytherin.

With a crack George sent a Bludger whizzing towards a Slytherin player; miraculously, the player ducked and the Bludger slammed into the ground.

"I don't get it!" George growled. "This is a bloody joke!"

They could see Oliver, seemingly given up, his hands over his eyes.

"Fix!" The twins bellowed again.

Professor McGonagall frowned and yelled something they couldn't hear.

The two circled around and soared above the pitch again, shaking their heads.

As they hovered, Fred frowned, looking distant. "You know what?" He said. "I've had enough."

"What are you going to do?" George asked flatly. "Run amok with a meat cleaver?"

"Later. Right now it's time to take action." He said, giving him a look.

George grinned, catching his meaning. "Desperate times call for desperate measures."

---

"Ooh, that looks like it hurt. Oh well, it was just a Slytherin…"

Lee, along with the crowd, was getting noticeably fed up. Even Professor McGonagall wasn't bothering to censor Lee's commentary anymore.

Oliver sighed dejectedly. "This is awful." He scanned the pitch, then suddenly saw something that made his jaw drop.

"Fred! George! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

Everyone looked around to see one of the strangest sights in Hogwarts Quidditch history whizzing by:

Fred was clutching both their brooms and was kneeling with one knee on each; George was kneeling on his back with one Beater bat in each hand, twirling them madly.

"BOYS!" Professor McGonagall shrieked, shoving Lee aside.

"We told you Professor, the match is fixed!" Fred called.

"We're evening the odds!"

"I don't care if BOTH the Bludgers, the Quaffle and the Snitch are fixed!" She screamed, incredibly flustered. "DESIST THIS NONSENSE!"

Fred and George continued to soar around the pitch, George yelling wildly as he twirled the bats.

The Slytherins had all stopped and were staring in shock; Angelina, Alicia, and Katie quickly regained their composure and sprang into action behind their backs.

The crowds shock quickly wore off too, and they cheered and whistled at the twins' display.

"Well done!" Lee had taken his position back from Professor McGonagall. "In the most creative and fascinating display of the season, victory is now back within Gryffindor's grasp!"

"And you didn't have any faith in our tactics!" The two flew up to Oliver.

"We expect to be fully appreciated from now on."

"We accept gifts."


	12. A Bit Too Nosy

Chapter 12-A Bit Too Nosy

Fred and George sat on the floor of their bedroom as rain pounded on the window, drowning the mid-August sun. Unlike most days however, they were not experimenting with fireworks, or plotting anything evil; they were taking advantage of the free time to count their stock.

"How are we doing with Dungbombs?"

"Plenty."

"Sugar Quills?"

"We're running a bit low,"

"Right," Fred marked them down on the list of necessities. "We've still got Cockroach Clusters though, don't we?"

"Yeah, a whole bunch."

There was a knock on the door and Percy strode in.

"Mum wanted me to check on you two," He said before they could protest at his abrupt entrance. "You're really quiet and she was starting to get worried."

"Honestly," Fred shook his head. "We take one day off from blowing things up and everything goes to pot."

"Our silence is nothing to worry about," George said. "You can all put your minds at ease."

"It's not the silence we're worried about," Percy huffed. "It's the bang that comes after it. And nothing you two say could put my mind at ease when you're in the vicinity. You're a couple of uncivilized hooligans."

"Now Percy," Fred gave him a look. "If my ego weren't so big, I would be hurt."

"Really," George said, pretending to be appalled. "The nerve; coming into our room and calling us horrid names."

Percy rolled his eyes and walked out, shutting the door behind him.

"Git," Fred muttered.

"Nosy git," George added.

Fred suddenly grinned.

"What?"

"Hmhm," He laughed.

"What?"

"Hmhmhmhm, heheheh, ahahahaha!" Fred lurched forward and began rifling through their pile of supplies.

"Bloody hell, what is the matter with you?!" George asked, recoiling from his mad twin.

"Nosy Percy, thinks we're hooligans," He muttered. "Aha!" He found what he was searching for and held it up.

"Oooh," George nodded slowly and smiled, understanding.

"Let's go give him the bang he's been waiting for."

---

"Well if we do that, we can,"

"No, no, that's too dangerous,"

"Fine you ninny, we'll go with plan B,"

Fred and George whispered back and forth as they made their way down the stairs; Percy, who was heading up, watched them warily.

They stopped whispering.

"Percy." Fred nodded curtly.

He squinted and continued past them.

They grinned.

"Phase 1 complete."

They stopped when they saw Ginny waiting for them at the bottom of the stairs, arms crossed.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Nothing." George shrugged.

"Not nothing, you're planning something." She insisted as they walked past her.

"That's silly," Fred said. "Go play."

They hurried into the kitchen to carry out 'Phase 2'.

"Is she gone?" Fred asked as he grabbed a tea cup from the cupboard.

"Yeah, she went back upstairs." George replied.

"Good," He began to make a cup of tea. "She'll probably be off to tattle to Percy. Time?"

"3:45."

Fred grinned. "Good."

Like clockwork, Percy strode into the kitchen at the same time as every other time.

"Ah, what a coincidence!" George said cheerfully. "We were just about to go find you."

Percy looked at him suspiciously. "Why?"

"We thought we'd make you some tea." Fred smiled and held out the cup.

"Why?"

George sighed. "We thought about what you said before, and it's true; we are quite uncivilized."

"We thought we'd make a solid effort to change our ways." Fred said.

"Nice try." Percy walked to the cupboard and took another cup. "I saw you whispering before, and Ginny told me you were up to something."

"She likes to lie you know."

"No she doesn't."

"She gets very confused."

"No she doesn't."

Percy finished making his tea. "Again, nice try you two, but I think you're losing your touch."

"It worked at Christmas." Fred grinned evilly.

Percy's ears went red and he scowled at them. "All the more reason why I shouldn't trust you now. And I told you not to bring that up!" He hurried from the room.

Fred and George laughed.

"He's such a good sport." George said as they went upstairs after him.

"Now all we have to do is wait." Fred said, sipping the tea.

"Wait for what?" Ginny asked, suddenly appearing behind them.

"You're as good a mum, you know that?" George shook his head.

"Must be some female thing." Fred shrugged, then put his arm around Ginny's shoulder. "Come, Ginerva," He pulled her forward. "We've got prime seats."

"For what?" She asked.

"You'll see. Tea?" He offered the cup.

"No." She shook her head.

"OW!" A yell erupted from Percy's room. "Bloody hell!"

"What did you do?" Ginny asked, looking shocked.

The door swung open and Percy stormed into the hall, a tea cup clamped firmly to his nose. "Fred! George!"

"Yes Percy?" George asked calmly.

"You're impossible!" He raged. "Get this off me!" He sounded like he had a very bad cold.

Ginny laughed, unable to stop herself.

"Stop it! You're setting a horrible example!" He tried desperately to pull the cup off of his nose.

"We offered you this one," Fred held up the one he was holding.

"But you're always so suspicious."

"Maybe this will teach you to trust us a bit more."


	13. Lucky Number 13

AN: I'm sooo sorry it took so long for me to update! Damn school… Anyway. My inspiration for this chapter came from it being chapter 13 and it almost being a Friday the 13th this past weekend. Enjoy!

Chapter 13-Lucky #13

Fred and George bounded down the stone steps and into the common room, ready for another day of mischief and fun, which, to them, meant the same thing. They spotted Lee huddled up in one of the overstuffed armchairs and went over to greet him.

"Hey Lee," George said as they approached him.

"What are you doing?" Fred asked.

"Nothing." Lee replied, looking a little agitated. "And that's how it's going to stay. I'm going to stay in this chair all day."

The twins frowned.

"You're going to do nothing?" Fred said incredulously.

"But why?" George asked, confused. "That's not what we do,"

"Well today it is." Lee said. "Don't you two know what day it is?"

"Friday?" Fred shrugged.

"Friday the 13th!" Lee hissed.

"OK."

"You know, I tell everyone you're not stupid, but you're not doing very good convincing me."

"Hey now," Fred said warningly. "There's no need to get snippy,"

"Come on Lee, you don't actually believe in that bad luck stuff do you?" George asked.

"Yes I believe in 'that stuff', because it's true!"

They rolled their eyes. "It is not! Just because it's a Friday,"

"And the calendar says 13,"

"Does not mean we're all going to have bad luck."

"Fine, suit yourselves." Lee said. "Off you go then, to see what horrors await you. I'm staying here."

"Right then, we'll see you." Fred said. "Have fun in your chair."

"And what do you plan to do about food?" George asked.

"I'm superstitious, but I'm not an idiot." Lee said, holding up a bag full of different sweets.

"Evidently." Fred said.

They headed for the door.

"See you." George said.

Fred shook his head as they made their way down the stairs. "Poor Lee, keeping himself in the common room all day just because of a stupid date."

"He's being silly." George agreed.

"It's inconceivable that-AH!" Fred suddenly sunk into the staircase, having forgotten to skip the trick step for the first time since they had been at Hogwarts.

"Not, a word." Fred grumbled as George helped him out. "Coincidence."

---

Fred and George walked into the Great Hall and seated themselves at the Gryffindor table. As they helped themselves to some food, Ron shuffled over to them.

"Hey," He said nervously. "Has, uh, anything bad happened to either of you two today?"

"Not you too Ron!" Fred huffed.

"I'm just asking," Ron said defensively. "Because I've already tripped over my robes twice and my ink bottle broke and ruined my Potions homework."

"That's not bad luck Ronald, that's hand-me-downs and improper care of school equipment." George said.

"I was just asking." Ron repeated under his breath.

"Honestly," Fred shook his head. "Must we be plagued by the insanity of superstitious dingbats?"

"It's nonsense." George said.

Ron frowned. "It's not insan-" His eyes suddenly widened. "Duck!" He shouted.

Fred and George, having not reacted in time, found themselves dripping in pumpkin juice that had been spilled by a clumsy first year walking by behind them.

"Coincidence." Fred breathed.

---

Leaving a trail of juice behind them, the two headed back to the stairs to go and clean themselves up.

"You know," George said hesitantly. "This is turning out to be a pretty bad day,"

"No." Fred said. "It's not because it's Friday the 13th."

"It's a pretty big coincidence."

"Yes, and that's all it is. I will not be cooped up all day just because I've been convinced that today is bad luck." He insisted. "We ARE bad luck. For everyone else."

As they continued down the corridor, a student carrying a pile of ink and papers suddenly tripped and hurtled towards them. The two sidestepped to either side of the corridor just in time.

"See?" Fred said triumphantly. "It's all in our heads."

He took a step and slipped on the ink soaked papers strewn in front of him and crashed to the floor.

George winced at the thud and walked over, looking down at him.

"This, proves, nothing!" Fred took George's hand and got back to his feet. "It's just a date! Right?"

George raised his eyebrows and shrugged.

Fred's eye twitched. "But it's not possible."

They continued down the corridor, ink now added to Fred's juice-soaked robes.

"It's a date!"

"I know!" George said desperately. "An unlucky date! We were wrong! And the day's not even over, who knows what's going to happen to us!"

Fred grabbed him by the shoulders. "Get a hold of yourself!"

"Is everything alright?" Percy came around the corner and stopped, frowning at their disheveled appearance.

"No, we're cursed." George replied.

"We're not!" Fred gestured wildly.

"Bad luck!"

"No way!"

"It's too much to be coincidence!"

They stopped when they suddenly heard chuckling. They slowly turned to look at Percy, who was now shaking with laughter; it was an odd sight.

"I'm sorry, does our pain amuse you?" Fred asked, staring at him.

Percy nodded silently, wiping tears from his eyes.

"It's just," He tried to catch his breath. "I finally got you," He laughed again.

The words sounded strange coming from him.

"What?" George frowned.

"It wasn't bad luck!" Percy said. "It was me! I heard you talking to Lee this morning and I set everything up! The teacup thing was the last straw for me really,"

The twins stood in silence for a moment, disbelief preventing them from speaking.

"You…you mean…what?" George spluttered.

"Yes, seeing you two all riled up was worth the effort." He said, nodding. "But it was far too time consuming, I don't think I'll be doing that again." He frowned, becoming serious again. "I'm behind on my homework. Well, I'll see you two at dinner."

He walked off, leaving them shocked.

"Percy? Pull a prank?"

They held their heads, trying to grasp the idea.

"I didn't even know it was possible," George said, more confused than he had ever been in his life.

"Yes, well," Fred pulled himself together quickly. "He thinks the 'teacup thing' was the last straw,"

He grinned.

"Now it's war."


	14. Illness or Revenge?

AN: OMG!!! Can you ever forgive me???? I'm so sorry this took so long, I've been so busy, so many things going on… I feel terrible. Well, hoping there are still readers, I apologize again. I will do everything in my power to get the next chapter up in a reasonable amount of time :) I've missed writing this story..

Chapter 14-Illness or Revenge?

"Maybe if we say this,"

"Add some of this,"

"We can do that too,"

"And if we wait until next Tuesday,"

"Sh,"

Fred and George stopped muttering when they heard the door to their dormitory open. Concealed behind the bed curtains they listened intently.

"Fred?" Lee's voice called. "George? I know you're still in here."

They heard footsteps and then he pulled back the bed curtains and December sunlight flooded in, making them recoil.

"Please Lee!" Fred said rubbing his eyes. "We're working!"

George squinted at him.

Lee rolled his eyes. "You've been 'working', in the dark, for days. You're freaking everybody out and you're starting to look as pale as Sir Nick."

"That's ridiculous." Fred spat, gathering up the various papers spread out in front of them. "Our skin is fine!"

Lee sighed. "Of course." He squinted at them. "I'm not joking though, you do look a bit peaky; isolation has done nothing for you two."

Clutching the papers, Fred bared his teeth in what Lee guessed was a grin. "Not nothing Lee. Our plans have begun. Percy doesn't stand a chance," He stopped and sneezed. "Sorry. Once we're through, he'll be begging for mercy."

"Begging." George echoed, studying one of their scraps of paper. He coughed.

Lee, who had taken a few steps backward, frowned at them. "Are you both feeling alright?"

"Yes."

"Of course."

"Fine."

"Don't know what you mean."

"Why does everyone insist on questioning our mental health?"

Lee sighed. "I meant, are you getting sick?" He restated wearily, knowing exactly why their sanity was questioned.

"Oh." Fred said, stuffing their plans into his trunk. "No of course not. We have wonderful immune systems. Stop trying to distract us from our Master Plan."

"Right." Lee rubbed his temples. "Listen, don't you think you should let it go?" He suggested. "I mean, it's Percy, he's never going to pull a prank ever again, and you've gotten him loads of times. And it's almost Christmas; you know, good will toward men and all that."

"Right, holiday,"

The twins started throwing belongings haphazardly into their trunks.

"Yes, Christmas," George said vacantly. "He won't see it coming."

They sneezed at the same time.

---

The train ride home was not a pleasant one, and it was debatable over who had a worse time; Fred and George had, indeed, gotten sick, and hacked, spluttered, and coughed their way home; Lee had to endure the hacking, spluttering, and coughing, as well as their plotting and insistence on going ahead with the 'Master Plan' despite their deteriorating health.

Of course as soon as they arrived home their mother confined them to their beds.

"How are we supposed to carry out our Master Plan when we've been quarantined?" Fred said, frowning and blowing his nose.

"It's just a cold." George agreed, then had a violent sneezing attack.

Their bedroom door opened and Ron shuffled in carrying a tray with two bowls of soup.

"Aw Ron, I didn't know you cared so much." George said, sniffling.

"Next time knock though." Fred added.

Ron gave him a look. "Mum made it. She's busy."

"Has she said if we can come down yet?" George asked, taking a bowl from Ron and sipping a spoonful.

"No you can't." He replied. "She doesn't want everyone else getting sick over the holidays."

"Then you'd better leave." Fred said, and coughed at him.

Ron scurried from the room, covering his mouth and nose with his arm.

"Nervous bloke." Fred sipped some soup.

"Hic!"

Fred stopped and frowned at George. "What was that?"

"I-hic!" George covered his mouth. "Have the hiccups."

Fred started to laugh. "Hic!" He stopped laughing. "Oh great,"

"Hic!"

"Hic!"

"Hic!"

"Hic!"

"What was-hic!-in that soup?" George choked, studying the bowl.

The door suddenly opened and a frowning Percy peeked in. "What is going on in here?"

"Hic! Hiccups!" Fred gasped.

"Well quiet down and don't eat so fast." Percy said, and shut the door again.

"Hic!"

---

"I want a nap." George mumbled.

"No! No naps!" Fred said sharply.

"Sleeep," George said. "We've worked enough, and it's been a long day."

Unable to confirm their suspicions about the soup, their hiccups had continued for three hours, and they had a bad case of the sneezes and Percy was forced to bring them box after box of tissues.

"Come on," Fred coughed. "I think Percy's behind all this."

"Hiccups and sneezing?"

"Yes, he's being subtle now, so as not to arouse suspicion."

"Ron brought the soup."

"So as not to arouse suspicion."

"Come on Fred," George sighed. "It's Percy! Lee was right, he's not going to do anything. If we let him drive us nutty we'll be letting him win again."

They both paused to take a drink of water. It was at that moment that Ginny burst into the room, causing them to spill water down their fronts.

"Oh," George looked down at his soaked pajamas. "I dribbled."

"Sorry," Ginny said. "I'll go see if mum has any other pajamas in the wash."

"It would be appreciated."

She turned and left.

"I'm cold." Fred said.

"Don't be a baby." George sighed.

"You don't be a baby."

"I'm not the one who thinks Percy's responsible for natural bodily functions!" He hissed.

Before Fred could respond, Ginny returned and tossed clean pairs of pajamas to them.

"There you go." She said.

"Yeah thanks." George said. "And, uh, what was so important that you wanted?"

She shrugged. "I just wanted to see how you were feeling."

He twitched. "Fine."

"Okay." She turned and left.

"Bloody kindness."

---

"Help. Mercy."

"Stop your whining!" Mrs. Weasley snapped as Fred and George, having been overcome by a rash, scratched desperately.

"I'm telling you," Fred breathed to George. "Percy set this up."

"Stop blaming your brother for a rash!" Mrs. Weasley snapped.

George shook his head as he scratched furiously.

"Stop wiggling!" She said. "You both need to get this lotion on,"

"Mum! We can do that ourselves!"

"Not in your condition! Now turn over!"


	15. Perfectly Purpley Potion

This chapter is dedicated to Rowan Hood of the Rowan Wood

AN: O.M.G. Um… it's only been 3 months. -throws chapter and runs from lynch mob-

Chapter 15-Perfectly Purple-y Potion

Fred and George stared at the empty cauldron in front of them, the tapping of George's finger on the table the only thing breaking their personal silence. It was a familiar experience for then, just another Potions class.

"Kill me." Fred mumbled.

"If we'd paid any attention in our classes I'd be able to." George replied morosely.

"What does it all mean?" Fred asked, holding his head as he stared at the ingredients.

"We may never know." George shook his head. "But we should probably try."

The twins got to work, glancing at the instructions list, chopping here, tossing there, a little bit of stirring and then they hoped for the best.

As a precaution, they backed their chairs away a little, in case their haphazardly-made concoction combusted like last time.  
When there was no explosion, the two shuffled back up to the table and peered inside the cauldron. Surprisingly, it had changed to the proper colour and was simmering nicely.

"Strange," Fred mused. "Why's it doing that?"

"What? Working?" George replied.

Saying nothing, Fred pulled a small vial out of his pocket, scooped up some potion, and put it away again.

"What are you doing?" George hissed, glancing around nervously.

"What?" Fred shrugged as if he'd done nothing wrong. "It's a souvenir of one of our few successes. And it might come in handy."

"You're off your rocker," George replied. "You don't think everyone would guess it was us?"

"Of course they would," Fred agreed soothingly. "But no one would be able to prove it." He smiled. "You can arrest on suspicion, but you can't convict."

--

Class had ended, and all through the corridors, and currently through lunch, George stared at Fred's pocket as though it held a small bomb.

"Would you stop it?" Fred flicked a spoon at him. "You look like an idiot and you're not being very subtle."

"I can't help it! Excuse me if I'm a little worried about a stolen 'souvenir of our success' that could have potentially devastating effects." George replied, then proceeded to shovel his lunch into his mouth.

Fred stared. "You need to relax and not use such large words. You wouldn't want to hurt yourself. And stop trying to choke yourself, it's very unattractive."

George chewed, frowning.

"Why all the tension?" Lee Jordan came up behind them and sat between the two, looking back and forth.

"No tension." Fred replied, shrugging. "Just mistrust."

"Oh." Lee nodded knowingly. "About what?"

"Not mistrust," George corrected, ignoring Lee's question. "Just…unease."

"About what?"

"There's no need for unease. When has a plan not been stealthily and perfectly executed?"

"Would you like the list?"

"We don't even have a plan yet, how could you be uneasy?"

"Would you like the list?"

"Hey!" Lee held up his hands, stopping them. "This is nothing to get worked up over."

Fred and George looked at him.

"You have no idea what we're talking about." Fred stated.

Lee shrugged and shook his head. "No, that's why I got your attention. Now fill me in."

After Fred had finished, Lee sat and stared at him for a few moments, a slight frown on his face.

"But what would you use it for?" He asked finally.

"All in good time, oh challenged one." Fred held up a hand. "Opportunity always presents itself. Patience is necessary."

Lee shook his head. "Sometimes I think you're a loon."

"Genius and madness is often confused."

Unexpectedly, a food projectile hit Fred in the side of the face. Fortunately it was only bread, but nonetheless he turned to see who had thrown it.

"Oi, Weasels," The captain of the Slytherin Quidditch team sneered at them as he passed by. "See you at the match tomorrow. Though you won't be seeing much of it since your faces'll be in the mud half the time."

He stalked off.

Fred sighed. "Why are the Slytherin's so bloody dumb?" His face suddenly froze, then broke into a smile. He looked at George, who in turn broke into a grin.

Lee, who had been eating, looked back and forth between them. "What? I get nervous when I see you two smiling."

"We'll be back." George said, and the two bounded out of the hall and into the next corridor.

--

"And they're off!" Lee shouted as the players shot into the air and the game began.

"How long do you think?" George asked as they circled.

"Not long." Fred grinned before they parted and criss-crossed over the field.

Lee's voice echoed out with the chants from the audience in the background.

It hadn't been long when it became apparent that something was wrong with one of the Slytherin players.

"What's this?" Lee commented. "A Slytherin player down?"

Fred and George watched amusedly as one player, and then another clutched their stomachs.

"Something must be going around folks, better steer clear of the Slytherin's for a while." Lee said. "Will they have to forfeit the game?"

The audience watched curiously, trying to figure out what was ailing the players when suddenly a Slytherin Beater let out a loud hiccup. The students remained quiet until one after the other the players hiccupped loudly, which was then accompanied by large purple bubbles.

Led by Fred and George, the Gryffindor team wasted no time roaring with laughter.

"I wonder what they had for breakfast," Lee commented over the laughter that was now coming from the stands as well as the field.

After a brief discussion with the red-faced, hiccupping captain, the signal was given and the team flew back in the air.

"And the Slytherin's have decided to push through their sudden and strange illness!" Lee shouted. "The game continues!"

The Slytherin team was at a decided disadvantage, and it showed; a hiccup there and they dropped the Quaffle, a bubble there and they couldn't see an oncoming Bludger.

When the game finished and the players touched down, it was plain to see that Snape was livid.

"That was an obvious sabotage," He hissed, staring pointedly at Fred and George, who just continued to grin maniacally.

"Prove it."

AN: Woww, I really am sorry that it took so long to update. School is a bi--. But the good news is it's now over! Summer vacation has commenced and mad writing will ensue. Again, I'm sorry, I hope you enjoy! Chapter 16 is already in the works!


	16. Accidental Genius

Chapter 16-Accidental Genius

AN: Yayy a quick update! I didn't make you wait a horrible amount of time! Now to get started on Chapter 17...

It was a sweltering hot day and Fred and George were desperately trying to find a way to cool off. They had started off with paper fans, but had abandoned them when their arms had begun to cramp.

They debated getting one of those Muggle contraptions that squirt water on the lawn, but they had no Muggle money and they were too hot to steal.

For the moment, they settled themselves in the living room. They had almost dozed off into a blissful escape when they were jolted back to reality by someone walking into the doorframe. They looked around and saw Percy, his nose in a textbook, and they immediately squinted.

He looked up from the book. "Sorry about that, there's no need for the look."

They continued.

Percy frowned. "You're not still blaming me for the Christmas thing are you?"

"There's no blame Percy," Fred replied. "Only guilt."

"Please," Percy huffed. "It's not worth my time."

"Right, like getting us back wouldn't be worth every minute." George said.

"You're being very juvenile." Percy sniffed, then left the room.

"Juvenile." George muttered as they settled back into their heat-induced bad mood.

"I think he's got it backward." Fred mumbled, dozing again.

They sat for another agonizing couple of minutes.

"I'm bored." Fred said, sitting up. "Let's go do something."

"What?" George asked as they stood. "Doing something involves movement which then leads to heatstroke."

Fred was already heading upstairs to their room.

"What are we going to do?" George asked again, following.

Fred shrugged. "I dunno. I've got some Potions stuff, and we've got our stash from Zonko's and Honeydukes."

George made a face. "And what are we going to do with all that stuff?"

"We're about to find out."

--

After a couple of hours and nothing to show for it, the two sat dejectedly on the floor.

"What a waste." Fred sighed, poking the sad remains of joke shop and Honeydukes paraphernalia.

The only things they'd managed to accomplish were shriveling their joke items to little crisps, making toffees combust with a pop, and absolutely nothing to a couple of other candies that they tossed into a bowl that was sitting on their table from the day before.

"That," George said. "Was pathetic."

They swept up the remains of their failed experiments and left the room, thoughts of how to cool down once again filling their heads.

"Waste." Fred repeated.

--

The absolute silence coming from the darkened living room was incredibly unnerving for the rest of the Weasley family. It had been a day and a half and the twins had done nothing but eat, sleep, and sit in the living room with the drapes closed.

On Ginny's dare, Ron had ventured into the living room and was nervously making his way up to the two armchairs.

"Fred? George?" Ron called. "Uh…is everything alright?"

"No." Fred grunted.

"Nothing happening." George added.

"Too hot."

"Failure."

Their short and vague answers did nothing to ease the worry.

"Well you're scaring everyone." Ron said, staying back. "And mum says it's not healthy, all you're lying around."

"Would she rather we wreak havoc?" Fred inquired.

"No, but she doesn't like the other extreme either." Ron replied, heading for the door. "And she wants you to clean your room, she says she's missing some dishes." He left.

Fred and George sighed excessively and hauled themselves out of their chairs.

"Stupid cleaning." George said. "Why does she need dishes anyway?"

"Perhaps to eat with." Fred suggested as they slowly stomped up the stairs.

"Silly."

The two tossed some things aside, gathered up what didn't belong to them, and headed back where they just came.

"What exactly did we use this one for?" George wrinkled his nose as he studied a bowl covered with a paste-like substance.

Fred shrugged. "Who knows. Not eating."

The kitchen was empty when they arrived, so they piled the dishes on the countertop and left.

They had gotten halfway up the stairs when George suddenly stopped.

Fred looked at him. "What?"

"Sweets," He stated, slowly backing down the stairs.

"It's too hot to eat." Fred shook his head and turned.

"No, no," George stopped him. "The ones we were experimenting with, we left them in the bowl."

Fred groaned. "Oh great."

They hurried back down and bounded into the kitchen, searching through the pile.

Once again, George stopped dead.

"What is it now?" Fred asked.

George held up the bowl he was looking at. "There's only one."

"The other could've just dropped out," Fred began looking.

"Or someone could've eaten it." George began looking too, though he was looking for any sign of a life form. "We don't know what we did to it, or what could happen to a person if they ate it." He froze and gasped.

"What?!"

George carefully picked up a little bug that was crawling on the floor. "Ron? Ginny?" He paused and whispered. "Mum?"

"Put it down!" Fred hissed.

"No! They're still family!"

Percy strode into the kitchen, frowning. "What are you two doing? You haven't spent the last day and a half planning some sort of, master prank have you?"

"No, don't be silly." Fred snapped.

"Uh, Percy, do you know who ate the candy from here?" George asked.

"Yes, I did." Percy replied.

They stared at him.

"When?"

"I don't know, just a minute ago."

They continued to stare, and he looked at them warily.

"What did you do to it?" He demanded.

"We don't know." They replied gravely.

Percy clutched his stomach worriedly, but before he could take any preventative measures he suddenly turned into a canary.

The twins were speechless, which had only happened twice in their lives, and they watched as he hopped wildly around the kitchen.

"We're genii."

"This is definitely worth pursuing."

"Now how do we turn him back?"


	17. A Special Day

AN: Hello my faithful and epically patient readers! I suppose you're all used to a few months between chapters by now. This is a very special chapter; today is the one year anniversary of the posting of Up to No Good! It's been so great writing this story for all of you, and I would like to thank all of my reviewers, each and every one of you. You make writing this story that much more special and exciting. Hooray for the Weasley twins! W squared!

Chapter 17-A Special Day

It was still dark when Fred opened his eyes, waking from a light sleep. Sitting up he threw off the covers and tore open the curtains on his four poster.

The pink and orange tinge of sunrise was just creeping into the sky and he could hear the snores of the other boys in the dormitory. There were only two days of the year that he and George would even consider waking this early; the other of those days fell 8 months later on December 25th.

Fred made a beeline for George's bed, pulled back the curtains and prodded him savagely until he woke with a start, mumbling.

"Rise and shine," Fred whispered gleefully. "You know what day it is."

It took only a fraction of a second before a cheerfully evil grin broke, so wide it wrinkled his face.

"The only day that's twice as fun," He said.

"Just like us."

"Happy birthday."

"Happy April Fools."

--

It was only mid-morning but the entire 5th year, especially those in Gryffindor, were a nervy mess.

Whenever the flame-haired twins passed in the corridor, or were rumored to have been in the area, measures were taken by all to protect themselves.

April 1st, the worst day of the year. (excluding exams).

As the students filed into the dungeons the usual sense of dread, known as 'Potions Syndrome', fell upon them. They felt fairly comfortable though that the twins wouldn't pull anything in a class of Snape's, so the uneasiness was lessened a bit. Lee of course knew better than to mark an area a prank-free zone and took a seat at the back by the door. Nothing was off limits.

Fred and George strolled casually in, taking a seat beside Lee, as thought it were any other day.

"Well happy birthday." Lee said, having not had the chance yet because of their early start. "Where've you been? Celebrating in your usual fashion?"

They all knew that meant getting up to no good.

"Just some personal celebrating for now." Fred assured him. "The usual sweets and Butterbeer for breakfast."

"Besides, the worry people put themselves through," George shook his head. "That was our first April Fools joke; a quiet morning."

"And your second?" Lee inquired apprehensively.

He didn't get an answer; Snape strode into the room, getting straight into the lesson as usual. Lee could practically feel the excitement crackling off of Fred and George and he wondered what exactly they had planned.

Explaining the potion they would be making that day, Snape moved to the supply cupboard. When he opened the doors Fred and George's much anticipated first April Fools joke of the day was revealed, and he was berated repeatedly in the head and forced backward by a deluge of brightly coloured balloons.

Floating around the classroom everyone could see words written on them; some read 'April Fools!' and others 'Happy Birthday!'

"Why Professor," Fred exclaimed, he and George each grabbing hold of a balloon. "For us?"

"It really is too much," George chimed in.

Snape positively radiated rage.

"Out," He seethed. "I want them out, every last one of them,"

One last balloon bopped him in the head and the class fled.

--

Several of the now infamous balloons could still be seen floating around the school by midday, having escaped Snape's wrath.

Satisfied with their lingering first joke, Fred and George, accompanied by Lee, were enjoying a relaxing birthday lunch.

"Hm, soup is good today." Fred commented.

"Exceptionally so." George added.

They sipped slowly and purposefully while Lee ate in the usual manner.

"Why just soup?" He asked around a mouthful.

"The kitchen folk usually have a load of food for us," Fred explained.

" 'In honour of the sirs' birthday.'" George mimicked in a perfect house elf voice. "Aren't they nice?"

"They seem to like you, that's for sure."

The two sipped their soup again, and Lee noticed that they were peering subtly around the Great Hall.

"What are you looking for?" He asked suspiciously.

The two looked at him innocently, which on them looked like they were in pain.

"Can't we observe our fellow students?" Fred asked.

"No." Lee replied. "You only observe when you're looking for weaknesses, or when you're waiting for something."

Silence.

"What time is it?" Fred asked simply.

"What?" Lee was thrown off by his question.

"What time is it?" He repeated.

Lee glanced at his watch. "12:30,"

"Exact time please."

"12:28, why?!" Lee pressed, a little frustrated and a little worried.

"Relax my good man," George said reassuringly. "You will not be harmed,"

"And neither will anyone else," Fred added quickly, noticing the look on his face.

"Just sit back, and enjoy."

"Your April Fools, taken care of, courtesy of Weasley and Weasley."

Lee looked at them for a moment, still a little worried, yet intrigued all the same as to what they had waiting. But before he could ask any questions a low bang hushed the occupants of the Great Hall.

Curious muttering had just begun when another bang was heard, and then another, clearly coming from outside.

Fred and George, palms pressed together, smiled serenely as students began to flock to the windows to see what was happening.

As they realized they couldn't see they began to flood out the doors and hurry outside, Fred and George rising and calmly following.

Out on the grounds the cracks and bangs were discovered to be small multicolored fireworks.

"What's this?" Lee turned to the twins, wondering what all exactly they had been doing when he wasn't around.

They shrugged.

"Just something we've been working on." Fred said.

"But we're not done yet," George nudged him with his elbow. "It's a special day,"

"On surprise just isn't enough." Fred said seriously.

No sooner had he spoken, two giant banners attached to the castles unfurled, unreadable at first because of the bright neon colouring and flashing lights.

The students rubbed their eyes, squinted, and read the flashing words: 'Happy Birthday' 'Fred and George!'

The twins sighed, arms around each other's shoulders.

"Happy Birthday Fred."

"Happy Birthday George."

Lee watched them, shaking his head. "You two are bloody insane."

They grinned.

"Wait til you see what April Fool we have waiting in the dormitory."


	18. OWLs, Tests, and Information

AN: ...I'm really sorry it's been so long! I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 18-OWLs, Tests, and Information

"No, no, that's all wrong,"

"No it's not,"

"Yes it is, see?"

Sitting in one of the horribly comfortable chairs in the Gryffindor common room, buried under a blanket of books, Lee watched incredulously as Fred and George, heads together, worked tirelessly over a pile of papers.

It was a strange sight, a sight he thought he'd never see; a sight that he actually found a bit disturbing.

"Fred, George," Lee said.

They both stopped and looked up.

There was a pause, as the words were foreign and Lee couldn't seem to form them right away.

"Are you studying?"

The twins blinked and then suddenly and heartily roared with laughter.

"Stu-studying," Fred choked.

"Have you been into our Firewhiskey?" Georged asked, pounding the table.

Lee felt his confusion and concern slip away and curiosity take its place.

"Well what are you working on then?"

Their demeanor immediately changed and they subtlely and secretively drew their papers away under their arms.

"This and that." Fred shrugged.

"Doodles."

"Scribbling."

"Mean things about Ron."

Lee sighed and rolled his eyes. When they got like this he could set an army of garden gnomes on them and they still wouldn't give up any information.

"Fine." Lee said. "If I know nothing then I can't be questioned later."

George nodded. "Good man."

The two went back to their papers.

"If we add that maybe,"

"Are you bloody insane? If we add it when we already have that?"

"Oh dear,"

"Exactly; we don't want to suffocate anyone,"

Lee's eyes nearly dropped out of his head.

"Alright, what are you two doing?!" He dropped the book he was studying.

George held up a hand. "Lee, you need to stop eavesdropping."

"And I thought you didn't want to have to testify?"

"Suffocation?" Lee pressed. "I mean, Snape is bad, but killing him?"

George sighed. "Though the thought has crossed our minds many times,"

"And we have several scenarios that could be pulled off beautifully," Fred added.

"That's not what we're doing."

"We're working." Fred said matter of factly.

"Working?" Lee raised an eyebrow.

"Well," George scratched his head. "It's not paid work yet, but that's only a matter of time."

"Oh," Realization hit him. "Are you working on your shop again?"

"Shh!"

"Shuh!"

The two looked around frantically.

"What if someone had heard you?" Fred hissed.

"It's one in the morning." Lee said flatly. "We're the only living beings in the room."

"You know how Ron likes to get up in the middle of the night." Fred scolded as George scribbled something intently. "What would we have done then?"

"You're very resourceful." Lee replied, rubbing his eyes.

"Wait, it's one?" George looked at his watch. "Why are you still up?"

"I have stupidly waited until the last moment to study for our O.W.L.'s," Lee said wearily. "Thus, I am killing myself with all this knowledge."

"Oh, right," George said. "O.W.L.'s." He hunched over his notes again.

Lee's jaw dropped. "Have you, not, studied?"

"This and that." Fred shrugged.

"We have much more important things going on at the moment." George said. "The pathway to our successful future is being laid out before us."

"And that doesn't include O.W.L.'s?" Lee inquired, not quite sure what to make of the situation.

"We'll do them." Fred assured him.

"We've skimmed through our books."

"And we'll have some more time after our test is done."

Lee stopped himself from saying anything and only blinked.

There was a minute of silence.

"We've said too much." Fred said quickly.

The grabbed armfuls of papers and ran to the staircase.

"See you in the morning," George called. "Good luck."

Lee decided he was not going to any classes that day.

---

The corridor was filled with screams, chaos, and mayhem; naturally Filch hunted for no one else but the Weasley twins.

Despite this fact, Fred and George made no move to flee, only stood surveying their work with crossed arms and satisfied smiles, the type you'd find on a proud parents' face.

"You're not even going to try for it?" Lee's voice distracted them from their accomplishments.

Wide grins spread across their faces.

"No." Fred shook his head.

"Isn't it beautiful?"

"Exquisite."

They looked perfectly relaxed, and even as they were led away their blissful state did not change, and Lee couldn't help but wonder if some screws had finally come loose.

As he looked at the remnants of the sweets explosions he had just witnessed, he also wondered if their test had gone the way they'd hoped.

---

"And after that, I'll hang you by your bloody thumbs!"

Fred and George sat stoically through Filch's four minute rant of fury, unusual punishment, and wild hand waving.

"Do you have nothing to say for yourselves?" Filch demanded, looking so angry they half expected him to collapse at any moment.

As if on cue, screams erupted from somewhere in the vicinity.

Filch looked back and forth between the twins and the door.

Fred held up his hands. "We'll be here when you get back."

Grumbling Filch left the room, slamming the door behind him.

As soon as he was gone George sprung from his chair.

"Hurry up, hurry up," Fred muttered quickly, watching the door.

George hurriedly unlocked the target drawer with ease and leafed through the papers inside.

"Why does he have so bloody many?" George complained. "You wouldn't think he'd do so much writing, he doesn't seem that...articulate."

"Just look!"

"What do you think I'm doing, writing him a love note?? Here it is!"

Fred tossed him a Muggle device they had 'borrowed' from their father's extensive collection, he captured what he needed, and the gadget went back into Fred's bookbag.

George returned the all-important papers back to their drawer and was comfortably back in his chair for a full minute before Filch walked back in the door.

His face was an interesting shade of purple and he was out of breath.

"I don't have time for you right now," Filch wheezed. "Go; I'll deal with you both later,"

In seconds they were on their feet and hurrying down the corridor, heading for the Gryffindor common room, wide smiles spread across their faces.

"All test stages complete,"

"And utterly successful."

---

When they arrived at the dormitory Lee was on his bed once again surrounded by books.

"Well hello," Lee greeted, surprised to see them in good health. "That didn't take long."

Fred shrugged. "There was a distraction."

"Right." Lee nodded. "Well, I hope your test was worth it because you've used all your study time. Do you even know how close O.W.L.'s are?"

"Please Lee, we have a calendar," George said, sounding worried.

"And, thanks to our test," Fred looked at him pointedly. "We were not only able to finalize some products, but we were able to obtain some pertinent information."

Lee stopped. "Information?"

The twins stepped forward.

"You can't tell anyone," George said.

"Do I ever?"

They stepped forward again.

"Did you ever know," Fred whispered. "That Filch keeps a diary?"

Lee smiled gleefully. "I do now."

"We captured it on a camera." George said. "No theft involved."

"And we'll let you see it,"

"For a small price."

Lee pulled out all the study notes he'd made. The price was completely fair.

"Good man."


End file.
